The holidays are often seen as a time of joy, celebration, and togetherness. But for families experiencing grief - whether it’s the loss of a loved one, a pet, or a life-changing situation - it can feel like the complete opposite. As parents, we not only carry our own emotions but also help our children navigate their big feelings during such an emotionally charged time.
When Max Left Us
This year, grief hit our home when we lost our beloved dog, Max. Max had been our constant companion, offering love, loyalty, and a little comic relief during chaotic days. But when Max passed, it rocked my kids' worlds.
Suddenly, his empty bed in the corner of the room or the sound of the back door not opening for him became sharp reminders that he wasn’t coming back. My kids felt confused, sad, and even angry. Their little brains were trying to process the permanence of it all. They would ask, "Why did Max have to leave us?" or "What happens now?" And as a mom, it gave me confirmation of something important - children grieve differently than adults. They move in and out of sadness faster, but the depth is still very real.
The experience reminded me that, as parents, we’re not there to fix their grief but to hold space for it.
What Neuroscience Says About Kids and Grief
Grief can be overwhelming for kids because their prefrontal cortex - the part of the brain responsible for emotional regulation and reasoning - is still developing. This means that when kids experience loss, their ability to process the emotions and logic behind it isn’t fully matured yet. Their brains are working extra hard to understand what has happened, which can often show up as mood swings, anger, or sudden sadness.
Practical Ways to Support Kids Through Grief
Here are a few steps I used to help my kids cope with losing Max - and ones you can use for any form of loss your child might be experiencing:
Talk About It Honestly
Use clear, age-appropriate language. For younger kids, you can say, "Max's body stopped working, and he won't be coming back." Avoid phrases like "He went to sleep" because they can be confusing.
Let them ask questions and answer with honesty, even when it’s hard.
Validate Their Feelings
Say things like, "It’s okay to feel sad, angry, or confused. I feel those things too." Acknowledging their emotions helps them feel safe to express themselves.
Create Space to Remember
We made a special spot for Max’s collar and pictures. Children can even write little notes. Creating a memory ritual like this can help children process their loss.
Keep a Routine
The brain loves predictability, especially when it feels unsettled by grief. While you want to make space for emotions, keeping a steady daily routine can offer a sense of safety.
Move Their Bodies
Physical activity helps kids release the big emotions that often feel stuck. We had a dance party one afternoon just to feel something else for a little while.
Look for Joy - But Don’t Rush It
I didn’t force my kids to move on. Instead, I encouraged small, joyful moments: playing games, watching a funny movie, or talking about the fun memories we had with him. Joy and sadness can coexist.
Grief Is Not One-Size-Fits-All
Children process grief in their own way, and at their own pace. Some days, they might seem completely fine, and other days, it all comes flooding back. That’s normal.
Our job as parents isn’t to push them through their grief but to be the soft place they can land when it feels too big to carry alone.
How Do You Help Your Kid Cope with Grief?
How has your family navigated grief with your children? I’d love to hear your thoughts, experiences, or tips in the comments. Let’s create a space to support one another this holiday season.
Take a look at my children's series HERE for my book on grief!
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