If you’ve landed here, you’re likely a parent or caregiver who’s navigating the ups and downs of raising emotionally intelligent kids. Welcome! Through Henry the Hedgehog’s adventures (six books and counting!), I’ve helped families recognize, understand, and manage emotions in relatable and fun ways. Today, I want to share a simple yet transformative tip that has brought calm back into one of my client’s homes - and my own.
The Challenge: Managing Emotions Under Pressure
A few weeks ago, a client came to me feeling overwhelmed. Between work, home responsibilities, and solo parenting while their spouse worked late, they felt like they were losing their calm. Dinner and bedtime became battlegrounds, and their children’s emotions were running high - irritability, neediness, and meltdowns seemed to multiply. Sound familiar?
The stress built up, and they found themselves reacting to their kids’ outbursts rather than responding with patience. It’s something most of us have experienced. The question was, how could they stay grounded while helping their kids manage their emotions?
The Solution: Name the Emotion
Here’s the game-changing technique I shared: name the emotion.
Whenever my client felt frustration creeping in, they paused and said aloud, “I’m feeling frustrated right now.” That little pause - naming the feeling - was a simple yet powerful way to reclaim control.
Why does this work? Neuroscience! Research shows that naming an emotion reduces activity in the amygdala (the brain’s emotional center) and shifts it to the prefrontal cortex (the reasoning center). This process allows us to transition from a reactive state to a more thoughtful response.
How It Worked in Real Life
Instead of snapping when their kids ignored bedtime instructions, my client would say: “I’m feeling frustrated because you’re not listening.”
This brief acknowledgment gave them space to think and respond creatively - like turning the situation into a fun game or calmly explaining the consequences.
The goal wasn’t to shame their kids or manipulate their behavior. It was about managing their own emotions to approach situations with grace and clarity.
Teaching the Technique to Kids
Here’s the best part: this strategy isn’t just for parents - it works wonders with kids too.
With Younger Kids (2-4 years old): When their toddler became upset over a toy, my client would say:“You’re feeling mad because you want that toy.” By labeling the emotion, their child began to understand her feelings, which helped her calm down faster.
With Older Kids (5+ years old): When their six-year-old was upset over her sister drawing on her artwork, they’d say: “You’re feeling sad because your picture was drawn on. ”This validated her feelings and gave her the words to express herself: “I’m really sad about this.”
Why This Works
Our brains are wired to process emotions more effectively when we name them. Studies show that naming feelings reduces their intensity, giving us a chance to think clearly and respond calmly.
By teaching this skill to your kids, you’re giving them tools for emotional intelligence that they’ll carry for life.
Try It This Week
This week, I encourage you to try naming emotions - whether it’s for yourself or your kids. It’s a small shift that can make a big difference in how you handle tough moments.
Let me know how it works for you! I’d love to hear your experiences and insights in the comments below.
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Here's to raising emotionally intelligent kids,
Dr. Renea
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